When life gives you lemons... or charges for them

I visited my home town of Tucson, AZ, this weekend. My sister and her clan came down to visit, and we all went out for breakfast at The Egg Connection. It turns out that this is one of my brother-in-law's favorite breakfast spot.

It used to be one of mine as well. For years, before I left, it was this ratty hole-in-the-wall that had old wooden tables that looked lucky to still be up. The food was good and hot, the service was quick, and the prices were nothing. Then, after they became popular, they moved a few streets down and got airs. They shifted to folding tables, reduced their service staff, changed their menu, and raised their prices.

I stopped going. It was just like any other breakfast place. It just wasn't the same.

So, I was interested in seeing what the place was like. It's in the same location as it had moved to and had the same sign. I figured that's a good thing as they apparently hadn't had to make any additional style concessions. And, they were crowded as well, which always bodes well.

So, while we're standing outside waiting for our table to be ready, I catch sight of a 5x7 index card next to the door, saying, "We charge for lemon slices to go along with your water, because 'we don't get lemons for free'".

Wow. Charging for lemon slices? I've never heard of that. I've never been to a place that charges for a slice of lemon. Oh, I've been to places that didn't have free refills on coffee, but I couldn't get over this. Did they charge for the little jelly packets? Or maybe for condiments?

My family all had a good chuckle and eventually got seated. The first thing I noticed was that most of the wait staff probably hadn't been born the last time I had been there. Nice.

I was happy to see that most of the menu items I had missed and stopped going there for were actually back! They had the massively large sausages that I loved (and should no longer eat), and their prices were still rock bottom. I felt at home again.

I went through the menu, and, on the back, there it was. "Slice of Lemon: $0.50."

Fifty cents? My God! I swiftly glanced around the table. "Whew!" I thought. Plenty of salt, pepper and jelly packets. I guess we're getting a free ride on those.

I wondered if they would charge a cutting fee if I brought in my own lemon. But, why stop there? Could I make any money setting up shop selling lemon slices in the parking lot? I could easily undercut them and sell slices for a quarter each.

But, just as the excitement of a new business opportunity was peaking, my mother informed me that The Egg Connection was already on top of it. She pointed to a sign saying, "No Outside Food or Drink Allowed."

Drat.

One Big US Family

I'm really not much of a political animal. But, when the elections come along, I still manage to get involved in the typical lunch-time discussions, even though I really have no idea what I'm talking about.

So, when we started talking platforms, issues, complaints, and all the other typical stuff, I suddenly got this crazy vision about the nature of our party system. Or, perhaps, it simply reflects my views on our national politics.

It's like a family. The two primary parties are the parents, and all us constituents are, well... the kids.

One one hand, you have the Democratic Party who takes on the nurturer role.

"Ok, Kids. We want you all to do the best you can and help each other out. We want you to try as hard as you can, but if you can't handle it, don't worry. We'll be there to take care of you. Now, make sure you watch over your brothers and sisters. We need to work together on this. So, if you need to give up your dates on Fridays to take your younger sibling to piano lessons, that's just what you're going to do. "

On the other hand, the Republicans are more of the disciplinarian and character builder.

"Ok, Kids. You need to learn to do for yourself. Nothing's free in this world. If you really want something, you'll find a way to earn it. There are plenty of things you can do around here for an allowance, and there's always a part-time job, if you want it. We can't be constantly moddle-coddling you. Need help with something? So does everyone else. Make a deal. Compromise with each other. Don't be running to us with little stupid stuff. We're not interested."

None of this applies to the extreme right or left, but to what I consider to be the original, core beliefs of each party.

I know it's over simplified. And I know that I really don't know much about it. It was just a train of thought that came to me, and I found it to be pretty amusing. But, to each their own, I suppose.

Purpose of Ears

The other night, as the family was sprawled on our bed in our nightly togetherness, my wife was playing with our three year-old daughter.

"What's your mouth for?" "Eating."
"Good! What's your nose for?" "Bweathing."
"What are your ears for?" "..."

At this point, she was stumped. After screwing up her face in thought for 15 seconds, she suddendly brighted up, smiled, and exclaimed "Earrings!"