Godhood, in a jiffy

All parents are somewhat godly to their young children. We have the kiss that heals all pain. We know everything. And, most importantly, we control the video games and TV time.

But nothing seals in that image of godliness like the first time you show your kids the buttery goodness of a Jiffy Pop Popcorn package.

When we were at the grocery store, they saw them, all lined up, and begged me to get one. So, I picked up a couple and took them home. After dinner, I told them, the magic would start.

Dinner comes and goes, and I grab the package, read the instructions and am dismayed to discover that it says it won't work on the glass/ceramic topped stoves. Now, I'm under pressure. Three kids are staring at me. Waiting.

I read them again. Darnit! It still says it won't work on my stove. Ok, let's think this through. Hmm.... needs to be cooked over a stove on medium heat. Why won't that work on... Oh, DRAT! I get it now... my type of stove doesn't directly control the heating elements. The elements are simply ON or OFF. There's no control. So, 'medium' heat is handled by turning on and off the elements with, say, a 50% duty cycle. Full power for a bit, turn off for a bit, so the average temperature is 'medium.'

At this point, I'm guessing that popcorn needs a constant temperature and won't work properly with the on/off cycle. Can I provide that? My kids are starting to fidget. It's going to get ugly soon.

Perhaps... yes... I can turn on all of my elements to medium, and then move the Jiffy Pop package between positions when the elements go off.

I quickly explain the plan to my wife, who looks at me with newfound concern about her marriage choice. Maybe it was the spittle that went flying as I blurted out my idea.

Anyhow, I put it in operation, racing against the elements, occasionally having to put the Jiffy Pop between elements because they had all cycled on. My kids watch, unimpressed. My wife watches, doubly unimpressed, struggling not to laugh.

And then...

...the popping started. Slowly, but then faster, and suddenly the tinfoil started expanding in to this huge ball! The only things that grew bigger and faster than the popcorn were my daughter's eyes as she watched it. Success!

Popcorn popped.

Godhood firmly locked in.

Maybe it did take a little godliness at that.